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1. True or false: When critics of George W. Bush’s tax cuts pointed out that the wealthiest one per cent of taxpayers would divvy up twenty-eight per cent of the windfall, while the poorest sixty per cent would split eight per cent of the benefits, Bush accused them of engaging in “class warfare.”

2. Who is John Brady Kiesling?

(a) The Christian conservative who withdrew his nomination to Bush’s Advisory Council on H.I.V. and aids after it became known that he referred to aids as “the gay plague.”

(b) The commentator who said, referring to Bush’s plan to eliminate taxes on stock dividends, “This isn’t even trickle-down economics. It’s mist-down economics.”

(c) The State Department diplomat whose resignation letter said, “Until this Administration it had been possible to believe that by upholding the policies of my president I was also upholding the interests of the American people and the world. I believe it no longer.”

(d) The White House aide, known for his calm disposition, about whom Karl Rove said, “I’d use the word ‘sweet’ if it didn’t make me look odd.”

3. Three of these statements were uttered by George W. Bush. Which was spoken by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld?

(a) “The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.”

(b) “For those who urge more diplomacy, I would simply say that diplomacy hasn’t worked.”

(c) “There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.”

(d) “Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support of a clear statement of purpose [to Saddam]: You disarm or we will.”

Match the observation about Bush with the columnist who made it.

8. “This is the worst president ever. He is the worst president in all of American history.”

(a) Peggy Noonan.

(b) Helen Thomas.

(c) Richard Reeves.

(d) Thomas L. Friedman.

(e) Michael Kinsley.

9. Who commented on Bush’s “almost giddy readiness to kill”?

(a) Senator Chuck Hagel (R Nebraska).

(b) MSNBC’s Chris Matthews.

(c) CBS’s Dan Rather.

(d) General Tommy Franks.

10. Which headline did not appear in a daily or weekly U.S. newspaper?

(a) “ADMINISTRATION ESTABLISHES NEW WETLANDS GUIDELINES; 20 MILLION ACRES COULD LOSE PROTECTED STATUS, GROUPS SAY"

(b) “ASHCROFT ORDERS U.S. ATTORNEYS TO SEEK DEATH IN MORE CASES"

(c) “BUSH SEEKS STIFFER PROOF FOR POOR TO OBTAIN AID”

(d) “BUSH PLANS TO LET RELIGIOUS GROUPS GET BUILDING AID; WORSHIP SITES INVOLVED”

(e) “BUSH ORDERS A 3-YEAR DELAY IN OPENING SECRET DOCUMENTS”

(f) “BUSH PLANS TO CURB APPEALS IN MEDICARE CASES; BENEFIT DENIALS AT ISSUE”

(g) “BUSH DECLARES WAR, WARNS NATION MANY SACRIFICES WILL BE NECESSARY”

(h) “PENATGON SEEKING TO DEPLOY MISSILES BEFORE FULL TESTING”

(i) “EPA TO ALLOW POLLUTERS TO BUY CLEAN WATER CREDITS”

11. What did George W. Bush do immediately before announcing the commencement of the war against Iraq?

(a) He winked at Laura and blew her a kiss.

(b) He shook his fist and declared, “I feel good.”

(c) He called the Prime Minister of Turkey and said, “I loathe you.”

(d) He said, “Let’s go kick some Iraqi butt.”

12. True or false: The orange alert of mid-February was downgraded to yellow after the increased Arab chatter picked up by U.S. intelligence was translated and turned out to be mainly about Michael Jackson.

Answers:

(1) True, (2) c, (3) c, (4) c, (5) e, (6) d, (7) a, (8) b, (9) b, (10) g, (11) b, (12) False.

Source: The New Yorker (April 7, 2003)

A young George W. Bush is playing baseball with Sammy Sosa (whom Bush traded as owner of the Texas Rangers) at the ballfields at Yale University. The faculty building, with it's large windows and glass doors, is very close by.

After Sammy Sosa (pitching to Bush) whizzes a fastball by his head, little George gets angry. "Don't be throwing at me," Bush yells. Sosa informs Bush that he is crowding the plate. So little George, stubborn as ever, crowds the plate even more. And the next pitch hits him right in the shoulder.

A crazy-mad Bush picks up the ball, runs towards the outfield and throws the ball through the large windows of the faculty building.

A young John Kerry, headed on his way to Vietnam, walks by the disgruntled Bush.

Bush yells at Kerry, "Hey hippie: How are you going to fix the windows? Are you just going to abandon the issue?"

Kerry replies, "Well, I didn't break them, but since they are broken, I would try to get the windows fixed as soon as possible. What is your plan, since you broke them?"

Bush rolls his eyes. "I have had a plan all along. In fact, I broke them on purpose. But the new windows will be installed on my time table. And while I am at it, I am going to tear out those ugly french doors and put in American doors. How would you pay for all that?"

Kerry ponders the question. "Well, I guess the University can raise student fees a little until the repairs are paid off. That sounds fair."

Bush is steamed. "The rich students shouldn't have to pay any more money! We pay too much as it is. So, only the non-rich students should help pay for this. In fact, the rich-students should get a fee-break. And actually, as I think about it, there is probably oil beneath this ballfield. Lots of oil! That will pay for everything."

Question: Does it make any sense that Bush is harping on Kerry for not having a plan for the mess in Iraq?

With a presidency as scandal-ridden as the Bush administration has been, it is sometimes hard to remember, and easy to forget, all the continuing crises surrounding the White House. So let's refresh our memory by counting the scandals. I specifically know of six.

1. 9-11. Not the first scandal, and certainly not the last, but the most important. What happened at the White House before and after the terrorist attacks is at the core of the commission's investigation. Why did the president not want this commission? Why has he slowed its progress? Will the final report be classified? Simply put, what did the president know, and when did he know it?

2. WMD. The missing WMDs, a story that has found its way to the back pages of the newspapers, is also currently under investigation. The president had trumpeted intelligence before the war and freightened the American people of weapons that may have not even existed. The case for war was made on the claims that Iraq readily had WMD. Not long after the war, the administration was referring to "weapons programs," and then, the "intent of weapons programs." Did Bush tell the American people lies as he brought us to war?

3. Valerie Plame. Shortly after former Ambassador Joe Wilson debunked the administration's claim that Iraq had attempted to purchase uranium in Niger in an op-ed piece in the New York Times, conservative columnist Bob Novak published that his wife, Valerie Plame, is a CIA officer. Plame had been a covert operative. Novak cited senior administration officials in his column, in what many insiders see as payback for Wilson's public statements. "Under federal law, it is a crime to reveal a covert officer's identity if it is done with the intention of exposing the officer's undercover status." (Washington Post) A grand jury is currently investigating who in the White House committed the crime.

4. Prisoner Abuse. The most recent, and current, scandal surrounds the military's tactics in interrogating detainees in Iraq. The White House has condemned the actions but may have ordered them.

5. Energy Commission. Back in April 2001, Vice President Dick Cheney convened secret meetings with the energy industry in formulating the nation's energy policy. The commision concluded that the energy policy should focus on less conservation, drilling in the arctic, and reviving nuclear power. Cheney has refused to "declassify" who was at this meeting. Thanks to the secret meetings, however, the average price of gasoline rose to a record high ($2.07) this past week.

6. Medicare. Illegal activites in the White House and the Congress make this scandal a possible barnburner. The big losers: Medicare participants and taxpayers. (See GAO: Bush Actions Illegal.)

Homer: [Up late at night in the garage. Marge walks in.] "{It's going to be a long night.} So put on a pot of coffee. Drink it. And start making burgers."

Homer: [Looking through his time capsule with Marge.] "And here's a letter from my pen pal. (Sigh.) I will write you someday, Osama."

The General Accounting Office (GAO), the investigative arm of the Congress, whom were elected by the people to be their representatives, (and therefore, the people's investigation), found today that the Bush Administration's Medicare commercials, posed as newscasts, were illegal.

"The General Accounting Office concluded that the Department of Health and Human Services illegally spent federal money on what amounted to covert propaganda by producing videos about the Medicare changes that were made to look like news reports. Portions of the videos, which have been aired by 40 television stations around the country, do not make it clear that the announcers were paid by HHS and were not real reporters."

But will this make the news tonight? Or will the Bush campaign gauntlet drown it out with $50 million of ads peppered over the airwaves? The American people should be ashamed to have this man lead their nation. Of course, almost half will probably not discover these facts, as they watch Fox News and support Bush, and continue to be misinformed that the Bush Medicare bill is not just a giveaway to the HMOs and pharmaceutical companies.

Same bill, another crime: "Two weeks ago, the Congressional Research Service concluded that the administration potentially violated the law in a related matter, in which the Medicare program's chief actuary has said he was threatened with firing a year ago if he shared with Congress cost estimates that the Medicare legislation would be a third more expensive than the $400 billion Bush said it would cost."

Same bill, yet another crime: "The House ethics panel, meanwhile, is investigating whether Republican leaders attempted to bribe or coerce a GOP House member to vote for the bill before it passed by a few votes before dawn after the longest roll call in House history."

Oh those high morals on the right side of the isle. We are blessed by their mere presence.

Source: Washington Post

Young Girl: "And there is no such thing as... cootie insurance."

Bart: "But State Farm took my money..."

1. Three of these statements were made by George W. Bush during his February interview with Tim Russert. Which one did he make at his April press conference?

(a) “The American people need to know they got a President who sees the world the way it is.”

(b) “In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn’t serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences.”

(c) “Nobody likes to see dead people on their television screens.”

(d) “I don’t think America can stand by and hope for the best from a madman.”

2. What did Karl Rove say he wished had been done differently?

(a) He wished that Condoleezza Rice had fired Dick Clarke on January 21, 2001.

(b) He wished that Paul Wolfowitz had known exactly how many U.S. troops had died in Iraq, instead of underestimating the number by more than two hundred.

(c) He wished that the “Mission Accomplished” banner had not been raised on that aircraft carrier.

(d) He wished that Fabian Basabe, the Ecuadoran socialite wanted in California on three warrants for speeding, driving under the influence, and trespassing, had not been pictured on the front page of the Daily News“dirty dancing” with the President’s daughter Barbara.

According to various recent books about the Bush Administration, who did what?

6. George Tenet.

(a) Complained that a pre-9/11 White House meeting about terrorism was spending too much time on “this one man, bin Laden.”

(b) Responded to the suggestion that the government couldn’t afford any more tax cuts for the wealthy as follows: “We won the midterms. This is our due.”

(c) Argued for post-9/11 bombing strikes against Iraq instead of Afghanistan, even though Afghanistan was linked to bin Laden and Iraq wasn’t, saying that Iraq had better targets.

(d) Threw up his arms and declared that Iraq’s possessing weapons of mass destruction was “a slam dunk.”

7. Complete George W. Bush’s statement: “I believe that ___ can self-govern.”

(a) folks who have lived under dictators or torturers

(b) people whose skins aren’t necessarily—are a different color than white

(c) only those who accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior

(d) under certain circumstances, even wild animals

8. In a speech covered by CNN, Dick Cheney’s attacks on John Kerry as a threat to America’s security were broadcast, on a split screen, alongside what kind of images?

(a) Scenes of soldiers’ coffins being carried off of military planes.

(b) Scenes of Cheney shotgunning pheasants.

(c) Scenes of the devastation in Baghdad following a hotel bombing.

(d) Scenes of George W. Bush playing golf in Texas the day after receiving the “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” briefing.

9. Why did President Bush say that he wanted the 9/11 commission to meet with him and Dick Cheney together?

(a) He wanted to have the Vice-President on hand in case he started to make jokes about weapons of mass destruction, as he’d done at a dinner for broadcast journalists.

(b) He wanted the commissioners to “see our body language.”

(c) Ever since the Spanish Prime Minister José María Aznar had told him, “You’re nearly as unpopular as Ronald Reagan was,” he needed moral support in public.

(d) He was worried that the commissioners would ask him why John Ashcroft had not included counter-terrorism in his May, 2001, memo listing the new Justice Department’s top priorities.

10. What was George W. Bush’s response when Bob Woodward asked how he thought history would judge the Iraq war?

(a) “I say that freedom is not America’s gift to the world. Freedom is God’s gift to everybody in the world. I believe that. As a matter of fact, I was the person that wrote the line, or said it. I didn’t write it, I just said it in a speech. And it became part of the jargon.”

(b) “When you’re marching to war, it’s not a very optimistic thought.”

(c) “You can’t see what you think is a threat and hope it goes away. You used to could when the oceans protected us. But the lesson of September the eleventh is, is when the President sees a threat we must deal with it before it comes to fruition, through death, on our own soils, for example.”

(d) “We won’t know. We’ll all be dead.”

Answers:

(1) c, (2) c, (3) b, (4) c, (5) a, (6) d, (7) b, (8) c, (9) b, (10) d.

Source: The New Yorker (May 17, 2004)

Michael Moore's latest documentary, "Fahrenheit 9-11," has been getting great reviews at the film festival in Cannes. If the film is allowed to be distributed, close scrutiny of the administation's actions before, during, and following the attacks will become permanent front page news. And the last thing the Bushies want is people to know what he did and what he didn't do in the months leading up to the terrorist attacks.

"Here's how it opens: 'The screen goes dark. The sound is of planes crashing into the Twin Towers before the grief of the victims is contrasted with Bush sitting, apparently impassively, in a Florida schoolroom for nine minutes after the news was broken to him.'"

Source: Reuters

"One theme of the movie is the connections between Bush, his family and associates and Saudi Arabia. Moore says he believes the film will 'get attention for showing that a name excised from one of Mr. Bush's National Guard records was that of an investment counselor for one of Osama bin Laden's brothers, Salem.'"

Source: New York Times

White House Counsel, Alberto Gonzales, wrote this legal interpretation in a memo to Bush on January 25, 2002:

"'As you have said, the war against terrorism is a new kind of war,' Gonzales wrote to Bush. 'The nature of the new war places a high premium on other factors, such as the ability to quickly obtain information from captured terrorists and their sponsors in order to avoid further atrocities against American civilians.' Gonzales concluded in stark terms: 'In my judgment, this new paradigm renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions.'"

Source: Newsweek