reyonthehill

Last night's Oscar event in Hollywood, of all places, had this display of Chris Rock exercising his right to free speech.

A lot of people like to bash Bush. I'm not going to bash Bush here tonight. I saw "Fahrenheit 9/11." I think Bush is a genius. I think Bush did some things this year nobody in this room could do -- nobody in this room could pull off.

Bush basically reapplied for his job this year. Now, can you imagine applying for a job, and while you're applying for that job, there's a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at that job? It'd be hard to get hired, wouldn't it? Now I watched "Fahrenheit" and I learned some stuff, man. And Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job, man. Never, ever ever. You know, when Bush got into office, they had a surplus of money. Now, there's like a $70 trillion deficit.

Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You closing out your register and it's $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right? Not Bush. No. then -- then, he started a war. That's cool. Support the troops. He started a war.

Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're $70 trillion behind on your register. And then you start a war with Banana Republic, 'cause you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You had the war. People are dying. A thousand Gap employees are dead, that's right, bleeding all over the khakis. You finally take over Banana Republic. And you find out they never made tank tops in the first place.

Source: Washington Post

I don't even think Bush could get a job at the Gap. Maybe Abercrombie and Fitch... nah, evangelicals aren't probably down with that. Wal-mart..?

I am sorry, but the MSNBC headline, "Clinton: Hillary would be an ‘excellent president’," is a bit much. I mean, can former President Bill Clinton really be considered an objective person when discussing his wife, Senator Hillary Rodham? Come on. I would love for Hillary to be the next president, but I wonder what her daughter, Chelsea, thinks of her mother's ability to be the leader of the free world. I will patiently wait until MSNBC exercises their journalistic might to uncover that news story. Then, and only then, will I decide the merits.

Image: MSNBC

Keith Olberman (Countdown, MSNBC) has a continually-updated segment unofficially titled, "the self-destruction of Bill O'Reilly." Well, let me assist in the self-destruction...

Image: The Smoking Gun

The following blog-entry was recently awarded a 2004 Koufax Award for most humorous post.

Poker With Dick Cheney
Transcript of The Editors' regular Saturday-night poker game with Dick Cheney, 6/19/04. Start tape at 12:32 AM.

The Editors: We'll take three cards.

Dick Cheney: Give me one.

Sounds of cards being placed down, dealt, retrieved, and rearranged in hand. Non-commital noises, puffing of cigars.

TE: Fifty bucks.

DC: I'm in. Show 'em.

TE: Two pair, sevens and fives.

DC: Not good enough.

TE: What do you have?

DC: Better than that, that's for sure. Pay up.

TE: Can you show us your cards?

DC: Sure. One of them's a six.

TE: You need to show all your cards. That's the way the game is played.

Colin Powell: Ladies and gentlemen. We have accumulated overwhelming evidence that Mr. Cheney's poker hand is far, far better than two pair. Note this satellite photo, taken three minutes ago when The Editors went to get more chips. In it we clearly see the back sides of five playing cards, arranged in a poker hand. Defector reports have assured us that Mr. Cheney's hand was already well advanced at this stage. Later, Mr. Cheney drew only one card. Why only one card? Would a man without a strong hand choose only one card? We are absolutely convinced that Mr. Cheney has at least a full house.

Tim Russert: Wow. Colin Powell really hit a homerun for the Administration right there. A very powerful performance. My dad played a lot of poker in World War 2, and he taught me many things about life. Read my book.

TE: He's extremely good at Power Point. But we would like to see the cards, or else we can't really be sure he has anything to beat two pair. We don't think he would lie to us, but ... well, it is a very rich pot.

Jonah Goldberg: Liberal critics of Mr. Cheney's poker hand contend that "he doesn't have anything". Oh, really, liberal critics? Cheney has already showed them the six of clubs, and yet these liberals persist in saying he has "nothing". Why do liberals consider the six of clubs to be "nothing"? Is it because the six of clubs is black?

Matt Drudge: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
The Drudge Report has learned that Dick Cheney has a royal flush, hearts. Developing ...

TE: Perhaps if you could just show us a subset of your cards which beat 2 pair? Or tell us exactly what your hand is?

DC: We will show you our cards after we have collected the pot. It is important that things be done in this order, otherwise the foundation of our entire poker game will be destroyed.

TE: We aren't sure ...

DC: Very good. And here are my cards. A straight flush.

Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his pre-collection claims about beating two pair.

TE: Those cards are of different suits. It's not a flush.

Mark Steyn: When will it end? Now liberal critics complain that Dick Cheney's cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same liberals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher education. It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long as it damages Republicans.

MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in racial profiling in blog-linking. Developing ...

TE: Wait! It's not even a straight! You've got a eight and ten of hearts, a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. You have a ten high. That's nothing.

Sean Hannity: Well, well, well. In another sign of liberal desperation, liberals now complain that a ten high is "nothing". Does ten equal zero in liberal mathematics? That would explain a lot.

Robert Novak: It's a perfectly valid poker hand. Apparently, liberals have never heard of a "skip straight". It's a kind of straight, just with one card missing. But if you skip around the missing nine, it's a straight.

Alan Colmes: Mother says I mustn't play poker.

TE: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".

Brit Hume: It seems like some people are still playing poker like it's September 10th. Back then, you needed to have all your cards in order to claim a straight. But, as we learned on that day, sometimes you won't have perfect knowledge. Sometimes you have to learn to connect the dots, and see the patterns which are not visible to superficial analysis of the type favored by the CIA and the State Department. Dick Cheney's skip straight is a winning poker hand for the post-9/11 world.

Rush Limbaugh: Do The Editors have two pairs, or a pair of twos? First they say one thing, then another. What are they hiding?

Andrew Sullivan: Dick Cheney never said he had a straight. He was very careful about this. His cards can form many different hands. None of these hands alone can beat a pair of twos; but, taken together, the combination of all possible hands presents a more compelling case for taking the pot than simply screaming "Pair of twos! Pair of twos!" as unprincipled liberal critics of the Vice President so often do.

MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
Did The Editors claim to have "a pair of Jews"? Are they anti-Semites as well as racists? Developing ...

Zell Miller: As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I believe Dick Cheney, and I hate liberals and Democrats.

William Safire: Why are liberals so obsessed by Dick Cheney's poker hand? The pot has been taken, the deal is done. If liberals are upset that we are no longer playing by the Marquis of Queensbury patty-cake poker rules, they clearly lack the stomach to play poker in the post-September 11th environment. And why do they never complain about Saddam Hussein's poker playing, which was a thousand times worse?

Christopher Hitchens: The Left won't be happy until the pot is divided up equally between Yassar Arafat, Osama bin Laden, and Hitler. Orwell would have seen this.

Ann Coulter: Why do liberals object so strenuously to the idea of conservatives having a "straight"? Perhaps because it doesn't fit in with the radical homosexual/Islamist agenda they hold so dear?

Report of the Bipartisan Commission on Poker Hands: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".

DC: I have access to poker rules that the Commission doesn't, and so I know for a fact that the cards in my hand are all intimately connected.

George W. Bush: Dick Cheney is telling the truth. I'm a nice man who would drink a beer with you.

Vladimir Putin: I dealt Dick Cheney three aces and two kings.

DC: My deal.

Source: The Poor Man

Pretty damn funny. Why no reycorp blog posts up for awards though? Spread the word...

Another doozy from Bush, while in Europe, responding to whether or not he will seek approval from Europe before attacking Iran.

And finally, this notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table. (Laughter.)

Source: The White House

That's right, the people in the room laughed.

President Bush needs a real man.

During a photo opportunity, Mr. Bush refused to be pinned down on whether relations had improved to the point where Mr. Bush would be inviting Mr. Chirac to the United States or even to Mr. Bush's ranch in Texas.

"I'm looking for a good cowboy," Mr. Bush joked, dodging the question. He did not say whether he considered Mr. Chirac a cowboy. Mr. Chirac did not seem to get the joke.

Source: New York Times

Don't worry Jack, I don't get it either. (I guess Bush has something in common with Jeff Gannon, er, James Dale Guckert.)

Keith Olberman (Countdown, MSNBC) has a continually-updated segment unofficially titled, "the self-destruction of Bill O'Reilly." Well, let me assist in the self-destruction...

Image: The Smoking Gun

The Bush administration has recently submitted an $82 billion emergency supplemental budget request to the congress. This must be an emergency, since the $82 billion includes:

A request for $658 million to build what would be the largest embassy in the world: a fortress in Baghdad's Green Zone that would replace the former palace complex that U.S. officials are using;

Money for public opinion research for the new Ukrainian government, seven provincial Afghan hospitals and Palestinian community centers; and

Spending to start a law school in Afghanistan, smooth the issuance of Ukraine's driver's licenses and passports and build water treatment facilities in Jordan.

Source: Washington Post

And these items are under the category of "emergency" for what reason? Oh yeah, because there would be no way these things would get through the normal budget process, the one outlined in the constitution, and especially during the current budget crisis which has been propagated by the dot-com bust, corporate crimes, a large tax-cut for the wealthy, the terrorist attacks of nine-eleven, the war in Afghanistan, another tax-cut for the wealthy, the war in Iraq, another tax-cut for the wealthy, and a sluggish bear market. And, um, yes, what was it that you would like to do regarding Social Security again? Can we at least debate the issue?

Keith Olberman (Countdown, MSNBC) has a continually-updated segment unofficially titled, "the self-destruction of Bill O'Reilly." Well, let me assist in the self-destruction...

Image: The Smoking Gun

The last three days I have been attending a conference titled, "Landslides and Slope Stability," a course presented by the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in San Jose. As a result, I have been unable to post to the blog. However, there is good news. I have recently struck a deal with a local telecommunications company to provide me with high-speed internet access through, what they call, a DSL line. In the very near future, due to this high-speed connection, I will be able to post more often, update the site, and improve the infrastructure, as necessary. I will also be able to update, complete, or fix, all of my other sites, which I have been meaning to do for oh so long. Stay tuned.

ps, I will be up at Lake Tahoe this President's Day weekend making another attempt at snowboarding, which I feel is more of a science than an art.