Following my first day of work at the first company I worked for out of school, I came home and told my girlfriend how my day went. "They are both republicans," I said to her. "Well, not republicans, conservatives." She instantly wondered how I was able to determine that in what amounted to less than one day (let's get real: a first day of work includes the "hello" period and the "goodbye" period, as well as paperwork time, and "oh, so this is where the bathroom is" moments).
My girlfriend told me she doesn't look at people that way and that she would never be able to tell anyway. And what difference does it make?
I told her it came natural and that I couldn't help but find out. She still didn't understand how I did it though. I told her it was an inate ability I had developed over the years, and I had been able to hone my skills so perfectly that I am able to determine one's political leanings within a few hours of meeting someone. In some cases, it doesn't work, primarily with apathetic persons; in other cases, I may only need one conversation less than an hour. Male or female, young or old, there are clear signals.
So here it is: reyonthehill's guide to determine if your talking to a conservative...
Simple tells...
Pro-life versus pro-choice; more often than not, pro-choicers are liberal and pro-lifers are conservative. If the conversation becomes a political scorcher and this topic comes up, the lines between conservative and liberal, right and left, evil and good, will become crystal clear.
Gun control; if they cannot defend the gun industry (few can) they certainly won't fight against them. The second amendment may say nothing about owning guns and everything about well-organized militias, but the third amendment was right on: our government cannot force the quartering of her troops in our homes. (Sounds harsh, actually.)
Shutting down the borders; especially the Mexican one. They believe it is a grave issue of national security (terrorists filtering through is their excuse). Yes, their grandparents immigrated to America, and yes, their weekly maid is an illegal alien, but we're talking about national security, people; remember nine-eleven.
Death penalty; outright support of the death penalty is one of the easiest tells of a conservative. And that means no thought or debate on ethics, health, value, cost, or if it even functions as a deterence to crime.
Middle of the road...
Religion in schools; once again, a drab topic at a dinner party, but even if they are atheists, deists, or agnostic personally, the majority of conservatives still believe that the separation of church and state is weak. It is more like your father spending the weekend at your aunt's house than a full-on divorce.
Private schools versus public schools; conservatives feel that public schools are overfunded. If local budgets get out of control, conservatives look to cut the school budgets first; sports, music and art programs are easy targets. Focus on the music and art though; those two breed liberals. In a political argument (er, conversation), even the logic that a well-funded public school is the best for any child's education can't get through; property taxes are too high.
Environmental concerns are silly; "time on earth is meant for us," as the battle cry goes. Conservatives (read: republicans) tend to feel that money should not be spent on something that costs nothing. Clean air and water, they want it; they are too cheap to pay for it. (There are reports that far right conservatives and its movement clashes with goals of today's republican party. Either way, the person votes republican.)
Once you get the hang of it...
If the person continually complains about bridge tolls (notably when he/she doesn't even use the bridge on a daily basis), your probably talking to a conservative. Moreover, the roads are poor and he/she comments how the local government is failing to do their jobs; public works programs are despised.