You Can "Check Out," But You Can Never Leave BJU

Posted at 2:04 pm on Monday, June 12, 2006, in Uncategorized, and tagged syracuse.

I have always wondered what student life would be like at BJU – you know, Bob Jones University. (I know what you were thinking – BJU – you know, I know, wink, wink. Bill Clinton’s alma mater? No. But Clinton did receive an honorary doctorate. You like that? I am here all week.)

Well, after digging around their website, I found these rules. First and foremost, men aren’t allowed to have sideburns and must shave regularly (eep)…

- Sideburns should not extend past the middle of the ear. Men are expected to remain clean-shaven.

- Abercrombie & Fitch and its subsidiary Hollister have shown an unusual degree of antagonism to the name of Christ and an unusual display of wickedness in their promotions. In protest, we will not allow articles displaying their logos to be worn, carried, or displayed (even if covered or masked in some way).

And for women, their dress code is, dare we say it, um, limited…

- Classroom/general dress consists of a dress or top and skirt; however, pants may be worn for some recreational activities. Shorts may never be worn outside the residence halls and fitness center.

- Necklines may come no lower than four fingers below the collarbone. (Here, here.)

- All dresses, skirts, pants, and shirts must be loose-fitting, having a minimum of three inches of ease at bust and hips. An informal way to measure ease is to stand up straight and pinch the loose fabric on both sides of the hips or at the bust line. Without stretching the fabric, there should be at least a 3/4-inch fold of fabric on both sides. (Good tip.)

- Combat boots, hiking boots, or shoes that give this appearance are not permitted. (Is this place located in a swamp?)

- (And of course…) Please note the statement concerning Abercrombie & Fitch under Men’s General Dress.

And we have all heard of the BJU nightlife…

- Freshmen may request a roommate. Other students are allowed one request for a friend to be in their prayer group, on their hall, or in their residence hall, but not in their room. (I’m guessing this gay thing is frowned upon.)

- For the sake of accountability, students must “check out” when they leave the campus. Students gradually acquire more freedom in this area as they become upperclassmen.

- Students are required to be in their own rooms and quiet at 11 pm. All lights must be out by midnight.

- An email account is provided for each student. Due to the flood of objectionable content coming through outside email services, students may use only this filtered campus email system.

- All wireless access to the Internet is forbidden since all Internet use must go through the University’s filtered access. (Well, duh.)

- Posters of movie and music stars and fashion models are not permitted. The subjects of personal photos should exhibit the modesty and appropriate physical contact we expect from our students.

- Music must be compatible with the University’s music standards:

- New Age, jazz, rock, and country music is not permitted

- Contemporary Christian music is not permitted (e.g., Michael W. Smith, Stephen Curtis Chapman, WOW Worship, and so forth). (No loss there.)

- Residence hall students may not watch videos above a G rating when visiting homes in town and may not attend movie theaters. (My favorite.)

- All weapons must be turned in for storage. Trigger locks are required for pistols. (Anyone else confused here?)

- (And why not…) Fireworks are not permitted on campus.

I don’t think anyone should be necessarily proud that their college is a top-ten party school (What, Syracuse didn’t make the list? Wankers.), but putting your child through this hell-on-earth is worthy of 72 virgins. (Again, I am here all week. Please donate to your local PBS affiliate. Gentle nod to Gawker.)

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